Cars! Beautiful Cars!

Ok so my car is great. 2003 VW Beatle convertible in Harvest Moon with only 40,000 miles on it fully paid named Maybelle complete with flowers. We barely drive it anywhere. I love my car and it was my dream car until we attended the Seattle car show showcasing the 2009 models. Now my dream has changed and I am now officially infatuated with the 2009 Audi Q7 and even during a recession this is one beautiful SUV. The environmentalist in me screams that this is so unnecessary and hurts the earth. But the Bragg in me reasons that I could make it up by composting my scraps from the kitchen and recycling my cans goods. So now I am saving, again, for a car I do not need, while I try to steer Bob towards a BMW or another VW to keep him out of my dream car. There is nothing more fun than riding in a beautiful car by yourself with your music loud for no reason other than to drive. I think I inherited that from my father, who is a diehard Ford man. So here I go making my future playlist for a car I have yet to own. It’s going to be a long year of dreaming.

Going To California

We’ve been contemplating going to Sacramento during the Thanksgiving weekend because Bob’s mother is hosting a family reunion with all the folks from the south attending. We think it might be fun to see some of them. Then of course there is the 608er’s. I do want to see those two old people who brought me into this world fussing and fighting all the way through. So after putting it off for awhile we make all the necessary arrangements. We got it almost all together as figured out the details. I made all the arrangements of getting my hair done, picking up the toiletries, and dropping clothes off to the cleaners. Then of course an MS attack happened as it enviably tends to do whenever I plan something detailed. I was shaking and unsteady for about three days wondering if I could even make this trip and if I did I wonder if I am going to be attacked while there. That is the problem with Multiple Sclerosis; it has a calendar of own. It shows up when it wants to and stays until it decides to go. Then Bob’s foot got bruised during his daily run around Greenlake. So he is limping and I am shaky and now I thinking I need to keep my behind home where I can at least control my surroundings and my situation with some familiarity. Damn. I hate when that happens. Now I have to go and really pray hard that God will have mercy on me and hold back an attack while I am there and that Bob foot has healed well enough for him to stop limping. I had at least three offers of staying with folks from both family and friends and although I know that would save us some cash and we would feel safe and welcomed, we both agree that it is better for all if we stayed in our own spot so I can heal properly without bothering anyone with MS or Bob dealing with his wrapped up foot. I wish I could explain that this is not the part of the disease that I want to share with anyone or how I much I feel guilty having to depend on Bob for every immeasurably small detail of my life while I am having an attack or that Bob hates the fact that he cannot run and has to watch his foot for more discomfort. I don’t want to explain that now my life is measured by my tremors: today only a slight quiver while bring fork to mouth, tomorrow I won’t be able to walk without some assistance as I have no control over the tremors in my arm and leg. There is also the fact that we chose not to inform Bob’s family about my disease. They are not really part of our lives much and we do not feel that telling them is necessary. I think I have it figured out but only the trip will tell the story of us being able to duck out of social gatherings when we feel like it and not having to explain to anyone about why. The runaway in me thinks this is going to one of those trips that determine that we won’t be coming back for a very long time. Sigh.

Fine Feathered Friends

I love dogs. They are really wonderful pets, truly almost human sometimes. I love to have them around and I love taking them on walks. I also love cats with their nonchalant ways and their soft fur waking you up every morning. But I really don’t have pets. I borrow them from friends and neighbors when I need a boast in my mood or I am feeling lonely and need company for a walk. Besides most dogs or cats greet me every time I am outside. Bob constantly reminds me that I attract animals and children with regularity. But still I do not feel that there is a need for me to bring a dog or cat into my very small condo where there is barely enough room for two humans. I won’t even mention the crowdedness that happens every Christmas and summer when my sons are home from school and choose to stay with us. Somehow my plan of my space being a pure two person home with an occasional guest keeps getting put on hold while my sons decide what to do with their lives. So I adopted the wild ravens outside. I tend to feed them at least once a week on my patio. I put some walnuts or chicken out there and they will spot it and feast until all is gone. Two of them I dubbed George and Fat Tony sometimes even knock on the door to let me know that it has been a while since I fed them. Sometimes I will put out some sunflower seeds to feed some of the smaller birds that live in one of plant pots. The other day I put out some walnuts after Fat Tony knocked. After about 5 minutes of George and Fat Tony taking turns hiding some prime pieces throughout the neighborhood they called over all their friends. This is the first time none of the other birds showed up. I couldn’t figure it out until I saw this huge ass seagull bullying my birds and taking all the walnuts. But because my birds are natural bad-asses they got very daring and extremely close to this bully seagull. They reminded me to not back down from a fight even if the other guy is bigger. Thanks Fat Tony and George!

Words are Bond

Word. The one thing we as a people are supposed to count on. If someone says something we take that as a promise, a truth. It is what we call a good sermon from a preacher with exceptional skills in bringing The Word. Even the Bible itself honors the Word: “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God” (John 1:1). Even rap mentions that a man’s word is bond:

Whenever ya hear the piece of the track, peace to the black
peeps on the streets with the beats in the jeeps
Comin back in '94 with the raw that's against the law
It's the G-O-D, my delivery is C-O-D
Word is bond and bond is life
We got it goin on tonight, don't nobody wanna fight
they wanna see a tight show where some brothers might go for broke
Utilisin the effects of the smoke……..
Brand Nubian will stand, without the use of a band
We always work with a plan…..
Word is bond, we got it goin on
C'mon throw ya hands in the air
Brand Nubian'll rock to the break of dawn….
Word is Bond – Brand Nubian Everything is Everything 1984

A man word is his honor and tells you about his character. Once you say this is what I am going to do or this is what I believe in, then those who heard will tend to believe what you said. But once you say one thing then do another then your word becomes useless.
So when I read this quote from Soulja Boy Tell Em “Shout out to the slave masters! Without them we'd still be in Africa." All I could feel was simply astonished. Absolutely stunned that we as black folks allowed this simpleton out of whatever southern backwoods, hole-in-the-wall, country ass town and show just how much the some of the south miss the Brown vs. the Board of Education verdict and continues to fail to teach our children history and how their word becomes who they are and determines where they are going. Without education in our history we become nothing more than a Bamboozled nation putting on a minstrel show with simpleton rap lyrics and saying asinine things for the world. Our words must be considered holy and bonding. Without such things then whatever we say is nothing more than a lie.

Election 2008

On Tuesday I wanted to write about the historic election of Barack Obama. I wanted to share how the phone started ringing repeatedly. How Bob and I were shouting so loud the neighbors heard. I wanted to write about how just about every Seattlite jumped and partied into the streets and celebrated with spontaneous bands and song and dance. I wanted to talk about how elated we were to watch his acceptance speech. I wanted to sum up the moment perfectly and somberly. But all I could think of is my two favorite words together and put on the front page of my favorite weekly newspaper, The Stranger…… Fuck Yeah!!!!

Pausing

Its been a hell of a week. So many things were normal that I was in that I-need-to-do-this-or-that mode. Just doing what I normally do while not paying attention to the small things that matter. While shopping for winter things I got one of those calls everyone hates. She died. And just as sudden as that sentence my life just changed. She is Jeri. She is my friend. And she died suddenly while going to the grocery store to pick up cupcakes for her twins birthday. Just like that. No explanation no warning. She died. As I try to wrap my head around this and wonder about her family I begin to pause and take notice of my own life. Questioning as one tends to do when something so tragic and unexpected happens. I came into that vicarious mode after the news full of reflections and thinking I need to change, be nicer, give more and stop worrying. I wonder if I’ve done enough to make my life something memorable for those around me. All I could do is remember who Jeri was and pray for her family especially her babies. None of us really are ready to die young no matter how many times we say we are and when it happens to a love one, life it becomes surreal. Never quite the same again. I could not imagine not being able to see Jeri again even if I haven’t really kept up with her in the last couple of years she was always there in the background and to think that we are not going to meet for coffee when I get to Sacramento. I cannot see us not being old ladies together dealing with the younger women in church and gossiping about whatever, for that was always the plan. It was me, Kimberly, Karlette and Jeri comparing notes on children and husbands and life. But plans change suddenly as the weather and we must reevaluate what it is that we are doing. Now I make these promises to myself: I will show love better and allow myself to be loved; I will remind those most important to me of their place in my life; I will live fully without qualms; I will be who God intends me to be, as I was called to be. Jeri thank you for being my friend. I love you girl! Peace.