Pausing

Its been a hell of a week. So many things were normal that I was in that I-need-to-do-this-or-that mode. Just doing what I normally do while not paying attention to the small things that matter. While shopping for winter things I got one of those calls everyone hates. She died. And just as sudden as that sentence my life just changed. She is Jeri. She is my friend. And she died suddenly while going to the grocery store to pick up cupcakes for her twins birthday. Just like that. No explanation no warning. She died. As I try to wrap my head around this and wonder about her family I begin to pause and take notice of my own life. Questioning as one tends to do when something so tragic and unexpected happens. I came into that vicarious mode after the news full of reflections and thinking I need to change, be nicer, give more and stop worrying. I wonder if I’ve done enough to make my life something memorable for those around me. All I could do is remember who Jeri was and pray for her family especially her babies. None of us really are ready to die young no matter how many times we say we are and when it happens to a love one, life it becomes surreal. Never quite the same again. I could not imagine not being able to see Jeri again even if I haven’t really kept up with her in the last couple of years she was always there in the background and to think that we are not going to meet for coffee when I get to Sacramento. I cannot see us not being old ladies together dealing with the younger women in church and gossiping about whatever, for that was always the plan. It was me, Kimberly, Karlette and Jeri comparing notes on children and husbands and life. But plans change suddenly as the weather and we must reevaluate what it is that we are doing. Now I make these promises to myself: I will show love better and allow myself to be loved; I will remind those most important to me of their place in my life; I will live fully without qualms; I will be who God intends me to be, as I was called to be. Jeri thank you for being my friend. I love you girl! Peace.